The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult; and left untried. - GK Chesterton
The theory is that the older you get the happier and more at peace you get. I think that's true to a degree but when you become a grandfather and reach your 60's your hope should be to share some wisdom with your family. You made it 60 years and have experienced much, you learn even more when you try to teach.
Each decade of my life I was seeking something, a party, a vocation, a love, a family, and understanding of my place and purpose in the world. 2007-2018 was my Harley Davidson phase.
In my mid 30's a friend of mine had a religious experience, left his wife, and became a pastor through attending a Pentecostal church that trained pastors. I attended a few services and events. Interestingly as he was learning more and attending classes he shared with me information on the evils of the Roman Catholic Church. As I've learned there are many "cottage industries" espousing the virtues of their Christian and world view. If I was going to call my self Christian I had to understand what that means to me. So I ventured into the desert (metaphorically) and decided to hang out with Catholics. If I was going to leave one family I better get to know them first.
When I attended a service at my friends Pentecostal church the preacher that day was Pastor Judy. She was very charismatic and was preaching on the book of Nehemiah. She was looking directly at me, I swear, and she relayed, (my simplified version) that when Nehemiah asked the King for more responsibility and received it, his supposed friends, supporters, and associates ended up undermining him because, "who did he think he was, the King"! She concluded by saying sometimes when you're going through a transformation you need to "shut up". I've learned that everyone has a gift that others may see but the individual doesn't. It pays to listen and spend time in contemplation of your purpose.
I found my place in the Roman Catholic Church. I started reading, attending retreats, and even studying the Catechism of the Catholic Church. The short version is that I found the church is an institution of men just as there are in the world. It is stained by the same thing all our world is stained by "ideological excess driven to madness" and "building the labyrinth of lies". ( I recently heard those lines in an interview.)
One of my retreat masters became one of my most beloved mentors. His story was something all of us could relate too and I will share it at some point. He had some of the best teachings that I've encountered, especially in person! One that I think relates to creating a "Substack" or writing, was part of a process to "give yourself a break."
He had six steps in finding your purpose and one of them was "Do we language our destination". In other words, have we written it out so we can look at it and say, yes, that's me and yes, that's where I'm going. The beauty of language is that's our story." I'll reveal the other 5 in a future post. Your thoughts and ideas look different when "languaged".
Family is what grounds me and that is the order I am seeking seeking. As a father, husband, and grandfather I have found it's what keeps me grounded and on the edge of chaos. The church isn't about the hierarchy but developing a relationship with Jesus Christ. There's community, good pastors, and teachers. I've been fortunate to find many in the Roman Catholic Church.
Finally a book I read 2 years ago really solidified my seeking. "Wanting" by Luke Burgis explores the concept of mimetic desire, where our wants are influenced by observing and imitating others. Burgis delves into how these desires shape our lives, careers, and relationships, drawing from the theories of René Girard. The book offers insights on recognizing and managing these imitative desires to lead a more authentic and fulfilling life. It also provides practical advice on how to discern genuine desires from mimetic ones; promoting self-awareness and personal growth. It's a hard work, this introspection.
I've learned much through following this musician preacher too! I can relate to his words in the following song, "There's Nothing I can Do About it Now".
